


These Are Only Walls That Hold Me Here

by musicallydependent



Series: Of Broken Minds and Broken Hearts [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: #1 worst way to go into a hiatus am i right, Angst, Insanity, M/M, Mental Instability, Sort of an AU, bleak bleak times in this au, ill shut up now, the band happens and all, this is really sad okay please don't read if you're already sad!!!, this is what happens when you listen to lana del rey for too long, you may cry and for that I am sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1824586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicallydependent/pseuds/musicallydependent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with a promise.<br/>A promise that was broken.<br/>And one that broke Harry Styles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah  
> You can all blame Letters From The Sky and Lana Del Rey for this.
> 
> Original publish date: 6/21/2014
> 
>  **EDIT:** 1/17/2016 updated the chapter with a tweaked version of the original.

"Harry?"

Zayn makes his way through the dark flat, cautiously searching for him. He was nowhere to be found, and Zayn already knew where he was, but he just didn’t want to admit it, if he was being honest. He was resolutely ignoring that room until the very end, until he had no choice but to acknowledge the closed door.

The thing is, he had already checked every other room; he only had one more place left to look in. He sighed and made his way over to the door with resigned steps. Cautiously opening it, he found Harry sitting on his (Louis’ as well, HarryandLouis’, _theirs_ ) bed, his knees to his chest. He kept rocking himself back and forth on the bed, mumbling something Zayn couldn't make out. But without a doubt, Zayn knew what he was saying. He’s sure those words will haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Oh Harry..." Zayn goes over to his friend and puts a hand on his shoulder. Harry only hums and keeps mumbling.

"C'mon H, let’s get you some food, ok?" Zayn murmurs, grabbing both of Harry's hands in his own to haul him up and off the bed.

Harry doesn't even complain, still mumbling the words that never seemed to cease. He lets Zayn pull him off the bed and then suddenly stops mumbling, looking up at Zayn groggily, almost as if he had been asleep and had just woken up. His eyes began clearing up from the horrible glassy stare he’s had ever since, well.

He’d be relieved to see it if he still weren’t so _sad_.

"Zayn?"

He looks down at his friend, a sad smile on his face. "Hey Harry."

"Louis?" He asks then, his voice full of undisguised hope, his eyes glazing over again.

"He's coming back, mate," he lies through gritted teeth. He hates lying to Harry, he absolutely despises it, because Harry is in no way able to figure out whether people were lying to him or not anymore. But this was the only way to get him to talk and say something. Act _normal_.  It was something they had all decided on some time ago, as soon as this had begun happening.

Doesn't mean he liked it.

Harry believed it though, relaxing before helping Zayn in getting himself off the bed.

Together, they stumbled into the kitchen and Zayn sat Harry down on a chair on the table. He makes his way into the fridge and studies its contents before cursing. Niall must've gotten so preoccupied with his turn to take care of Harry that he forgot to go to Tesco and get some groceries.

Under normal circumstances, he would just call Liam or Niall and ask them to swing by the store and get some food and then bring it over, but these _weren’t_ normal circumstances.

They'd tried having more than one person over once, just Zayn, Niall, and Liam, but it hadn't ended well. Harry had started asking where Louis was, apparently thinking they were having a band meeting and that they were just waiting on him to appear.

Once he realized he wasn't coming, and _then_ when the memories came back to him, things took a turn for the worse. Many panic attacks, screams, and sobs later, Harry had finally gone to sleep, the other three exhausted. It was then that they decided that they could never all be together in the flat anymore. They would take turns to come over, see Harry and see that he eats, showers, and sleeps often. But only one at a time.

Perrie would often come with Zayn though, and it strangely didn't bother Harry. He would just smile dazedly at her, greet her with a "Hey Pez", wave, and go back to staring at whatever the hell he was staring at before.

At least he could recognize the faces around him. Didn't mean he completely went crazy, right?

Zayn sighs and pushes all those thoughts away, shaking his head a little.

"Hey Hazz—" he cuts himself off before he could finish, hoping to god that Harry wasn't listening and was just staring off into space. He slowly turns around to see Harry staring at him inquisitively, his eyes narrowed slightly and his head cocked to the side.

"Zayn," he says slowly, almost sounding like himself, his old self. For a second, Zayn felt relief, his mind going into overdrive, thinking he was finally back, he was Harry again. He found he could care less if what he said next were a few choice words because of the nickname. He really could.

But then the words that he heard just made him sigh and sag against the counter, internally cursing himself for getting his hopes up.

"Where's Lou?"

Zayn’s lips set into a grim line and he turned his back on the boy, always preferring to lie to him when he wasn't looking at him. It made it easier.

"He's visiting friends up in the north H, remember?"

Not being able to resist, he looked over his shoulder. Harry was… he didn’t know what Harry was doing, really. His brow furrowed and Zayn began feeling that tiny spark of hope flare up in his chest again. That look meant Harry was thinking coherently again, and if he’s thinking coherently again, they may just have him back soon! He waited with bated breath as Harry opened his mouth like he was trying to formulate the words just right, something he always used to do. It was always the reason why he was so slow to talk, he thought fondly. He was always thinking out the words before ever saying them.

There was a beat of silence in where harry still looked like he was going to speak, say _something_ other than the usual murmurs everyone heard day and night. Zayn’s eyes involuntarily widened in anticipation and he hoped. He just _hoped_.

But then the light in Harry’s eyes, now dull but still the same unmistakable glint he used to have, went out. At almost the exact same time, his mouth abruptly shut closed and the creepy expression was back in place. He nodded, going submissive and eerie yet again.

"Yeah, up in the north with friends," he mumbles. He sends Zayn a blank smile, reminding him of all those creepy rich houses in in horror movies. Everything was turned on in the house, every single light. But there was absolutely no one home. Zayn was still staring at him with his head over his shoulder.

He was just _tired_.

Zayn sighs and runs a hand over his face before standing up straight once more. He turns towards Harry and sends him a sad smile, the only kind of smile he can show in front of him now. "Let's get you some food."

Harry nods distractedly, mumbling incoherently under his breath as he retreats to his usual state. Zayn went about to prepare the younger boy's breakfast, as small as it may be, when his phone rang.

He absently takes it out, not bothering to check the caller ID, and answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey Z, just checking in, how's he doing?"

Zayn swiftly turns to face the other boy, the alarm shooting up inside him. He had hoped that Harry wasn't looking at him, but seeing him staring back at him, eyes narrowed, had him slightly panicking.

He smiles weakly at Harry and quickly turns around, hissing into the phone, "Bad time to call Ni, he's right behind me."

He turns around again, flashing Harry the best reassuring and calm smile he could muster up. "Perrie," he mouths, pointing at the phone, hoping that would get Harry to stop staring at him suspiciously. Apparently it seems to do the trick, since he smiles dazedly again, nods, and says "Pez."

Zayn turns back to the phone, trying to sound happy, even though he still hasn't relaxed from the close call. "Harry says hi, _Pez,_ ”

He only hears Niall's reply of "oh" before going into the living room, keeping a good eye on Harry in the kitchen, and going back to hissing into the phone.

"What were you _thinking_ Niall?! You _know_ that if he hears more than two of our voices he starts asking for you-know-who and then—" he sighs, cutting himself off. "I'm sorry mate, I'm just a little stressed out today, didn't mean to take it out on you."

"It's okay Zayn, I forgot that you're the one out of the three of us that watches over Harry the most, sorry," Niall says, breezily waving off the apology. "Anyways, how is our resident crazy boy?"

"Niall," he patronizes, sighing, "don't call him that. He's doing fine, I just got him out of you-know-who's bed and I'm about to give him some cereal.” He walks aimlessly in the small living room and casually says, “By the way, you forgot to get some groceries when it was your turn," waiting on a response.

It was silent for a while. "Zayn, I bought him at least five bags of food when I went over there."

Zayn whips his head towards Harry, who is still humming absently in the kitchen.

"Are you serious? There's nothing in that kitchen Niall, only half a box of cereal and a little milk. What did you buy?"

"I bought… cereal, veggies, apples n oranges n stuff cause you know how he loves his fruit, eggs, milk, pancake mix and syrup, a _lot_ of noodles…" he trails off and then "oh yeah! And ketchup too."

Zayn stays silent for a few seconds and then mutters "I'll talk to you later Ni," and hanging up. He walks back into the kitchen where harry was still humming and staring off into space.

"H, Perrie says hi," Zayn says slowly, looking at him with raised eyebrows. If what Niall said was true, then Harry was cooking again, and if he indeed was, then it meant that things were looking up.

Harry nods at Zayn's words and looks up at him, smiling.

"Hey Harry, you made breakfast for yourself, didn't you?" He tries cautiously, looking at him warily.

In response the other boy looked sheepish and nodded, putting his head down slightly. Zayn just chuckles.

"Harry, that's awesome! What have you made?"

Harry just points to a little book in the corner of the kitchen, his head still down.

Zayn walks over to it and sighs upon looking at the title. This is the book of all the recipes Harry has made that Louis had written down. Of course. He flips open to the first page and finds the introduction in Louis' messy handwriting:

"Here is a book full of Harold's wonderful and deliciously mouthwatering recipes to date. We hope you enjoy them, because we sure do! I'll write in new ones anytime Harry here decides to make something new, so enjoy!

—Harry and Louis"

Zayn then flips to the latest filled in page and sees the date; it was the night Louis died.

Harry had made them dinner before Louis had left their flat. Before he never came back.

He runs a hand down his face again and faces Harry.

"Was this what you've been making mate?" He asks, showing him the last page. Harry nods when he sees it and ducks his head down again, staying quiet, and Zayn sighs yet again. Conflicting emotions spring up in his head, the most prominent being relief that Harry was at least doing things from before, and worry for what it might mean, what he might remember because of it.

Zayn sags against the kitchen counter, putting the book down on it. It’s quiet for a moment, and then Zayn sighs for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Where's Louis?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you guys think, I'd really appreciate it!!! If you want you can go scream at me over [here](http://haloslove.tumblr.com) !!! We can scream together.  
> Thank you for reading this, more on the way, I promise!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kept kicking my ass I'm so sorry omg. I had to reorganize two of the chapters and this one was one of them, since it makes more sense, and months later, here we are!!!

 

It had all started one night, he would always muse late at night, his thoughts running rampant and refusing to let him get any sleep.

That was truly the only time he would let himself think of it all, no matter if it’s forced on him or not. It's the only time he's alone, and of course the only time he can't seem to hold back the thoughts he always manages to repress in the day. It's also why he basically doesn't sleep at all these days, his mind too caught up in the whirlwind that Louis left behind.

Still causing a ruckus, Liam thinks fondly, before sighing and shifting in his bed until he’s lying on his back. Glancing quickly at his clock, he just turns back to the ceiling again, still seeing the glaring red numbers in the dark of the roof.

3:47 in the morning. What a joy.

Sighing again, he throws away the covers and pads to the living room. If he’s not going to sleep, he might as well do something productive.

 

~*~

 

Which turns out to be nothing productive, since hours have passed and he’s still staring at the same blank laptop screen he was staring at when it was 3:47 am. He can see the sun steadily rising through his windows out of the corners of his eyes, painting his living room in soft hues. It frustrates the hell out of him. He throws himself back on the sofa and sighs, exasperated. No matter how many ways he looks at it, there’s no possible way any of them are getting out of this without major backlash. And that’s even when factoring in the amount of sympathy they’ll receive because of it.

He has papers scattered everywhere; files overflowing with documents on the coffee table and binders splayed wide open at his feet, folders piled haphazardly on top of each other on the couch, stray pages strewn anywhere and everywhere else. His flat was a mess, he thought absently. He didn’t pay the thought any mind, his brain still racing to find a way out of this, to find a miracle of an idea to keep the public from hating them. It’s been two months; two months of practically bashing his head trying to figure this out, and to no avail.

And it’s not like he has anything else to distract himself with, since he can never fall asleep now, and when he manages to, he can never actually _stay_ asleep. His dreams mainly feature Louis at this point, just serving to remind him of what he lost. What _everyone_ had lost.

_Who_  everyone had lost.

He’d enjoy these dreams, if his subconscious didn’t know how _wrong_ they were. How it just _knew_ that Louis shouldn’t be there anymore, dream or reality wise. How he doesn’t belong anymore. So, sleep is not on his side very much at the moment. That means nothing to his body though; he’s physically _exhausted_ and caffeine can only do so much, Liam thinks tiredly. But he can’t sleep, he has to figure this out, has to find a surefire way to get them out of the heat, no matter how bad he wants to sink into the couch cushions and never come back out again. And he _knows_ there is something he’s forgetting, something big and that would most likely help them with this situation, but the idea, the thought, it was just out of his reach. It frustrates the hell out of him (Like everything does nowadays).

A shrill noise startles him out of his thoughts and he blinks, recognizing the noise two seconds later as his phone ringing. He begins looking, moving papers around, and he finally spots it lying under some thin packets, the papers glowing faintly from where the light is shining through. He digs it out and sees the screen flash ‘ED’ and he answers the call, rubbing at his face with his unoccupied hand.

“What’s up, mate?”

“Nah nothing. Hey, you know where Zayn is? I can’t reach him, I was wondering if you knew?”

Liam sighs. “He’s at Harry’s.”

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Ed started rambling quickly. “Oh my god, it’s his turn isn’t it? I’m so sorry mate, I completely forgot, I thought it was Niall’s this week, I—”

“It’s fine, its fine,” Liam reassured him, cutting Ed off. “Don’t worry bro, you’re good.”

“Alright,” Ed says slowly, blowing out a breath. “Still sorry though.” Liam nods, before realizing that Ed can’t see it.

“Yeah.”

“So, what you doing?”

He shrugs. “What I’ve been doing the past two months.” Always the same answer he gives out, always resolutely ignoring the fact that nothing has come out of said two months.

He hears Ed sigh. “Man, you gotta stop every once in a while, you’re gonna go — you gotta sleep at some point.”

Liam chuckles lowly, knowing what Ed was about to say. “I’d say ‘I’ll sleep when I’m you-know-what’, but that’d be too soon, wouldn’t it?”

Ed sighs. “Just try to step away every once in a while, yeah? It’d do you some good, maybe even help with figuring out that strategy that’s been driving you up the walls.”

“Yeah, alright,” he promises absently, wandering to his kitchen. “See, I’m going to the kitchen right now, I’m stepping away as we speak.” He could practically see Ed roll his eyes.

“Please go eat something, I bet you haven’t eaten anything all morning.”

Liam says nothing. (He doesn’t tell him that he hasn’t eaten since _last_ morning.)

“I’ll eat something,” he says, appeasing his friend. He opens the fridge and frowns.

“That’s all I ask, mate,” He hears Ed say, and Liam hums, continuing to stare at the insides of his fridge.

“Alright, I’m going to eat, I’ll talk to you later alright?” he says distractedly, barely registering Ed’s response as he puts his phone down.

His brow furrows for a bit, and he closes his fridge moments later. There’s all kinds of food in there, but nothing he can make, he thinks. Heaving a sigh, he goes to the pantry where he keeps ~~Louis and~~ Niall’s snacks, taking out a bag of crisps. It's easier like this anyways. He grabs a water bottle and carries his things back to the living room, where he sees the mess of papers everywhere.

‘Back to hell,’ Liam thinks wryly.

 

~*~

 

It’s hours later, after he finally manages to sleep more than an hour and a half in one sitting (so to speak), that he remembers what he had forgotten. He remembers, and he begins to feel every tense muscle he’s accumulated over the past two months slowly dissolve, the relief showing in every inch of his slowly growing smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: this chapter was the only one causing me major trouble, and so the last chapter and the epilogue will be uploaded v soon!!!! Pls leave kudos/comments if you liked!!! Bye loveliessss  
> [my tumblr](http://haloslove.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

Now, he knows he should be doing something productive with his ongoing two months of vacation (no matter how forced it may be), and he is in a way (charities, being seen with family and friends (rarely, but what can you do?), and visiting his bandmates, but most of the time all he can do is sit in his flat all day and think.

Everyone had dealt with Louis' death differently, he mused. Zayn became the balance, the calming force of whatever was left of the band. Liam was the worrier, thinking ahead and trying to find new ways to strategize and maneuver around the shit storm that the situation had quickly become. Niall himself had gone quieter, a bit more reserved and didn't do anything but _grieve._ And Harry…

Well, Harry had just gone insane.

Niall sighs and sags even more into his sofa. He could do so much more for his best friend, but he always felt like he was left on the opposite side of a one way mirror, not being able to anything but watch as harry just spiraled further into insanity on the other side of the glass wall.

And he had become metaphorical now too, he notices, snorting at the thought that the songs he would help write in the future would be a lot "deeper" than before or whatever. Not like he cared much for that right now but. Hey. You never know.

Getting up, he grabs his wallet, phone, and keys as he walks towards the door, fed up with staying in his flat all day. As he locks up the apartment, he thinks of the places he could go to. Maybe drop by Tesco to pick up some food for himself and for his next visit to Harry, he thinks. He could swing by Liam's, see if he wanted to go anywhere or do anything, he muses, walking towards the car.

But he couldn't bother Zayn at all, he tells himself sternly. No, he was with Harry right now, taking his turn to care for him for the week. He was _not_ going to call him or let alone go to Harry's flat at all. Nope, he was just not going to.

And so he went to Liam's. Obviously.

After stopping at a liquor store and buying a six pack of beer (and signing some things because he was a good celebrity alright), he makes his way over to Liam's place. He arrives fairly quickly and proceeds to knock and wait (semi) patiently for a response. He is just about to knock once more when the door opens and a tired looking Liam appears. He offers his friend a smile and raises the beer.

Liam smiles then and makes a move away from the door, and Niall grins at him and instead goes to give him a hug, one that is instantly returned.

"How ya doin Li?" He murmurs, stepping away.

Liam shrugs and sends him a weak smile. "As well of the rest of us I suppose." He sighs and moves away from the entrance, beckoning Niall to come in. "I've been trying to see if I can find a way to spin this around so we get the least amount of the inevitable backlash as possible, but so far there's no way out of it. I honestly don’t even know how we even managed to keep this from the public, something this huge." His living room is as tidy as it always was, albeit for the papers strewn across the coffee table and the open laptop in the corner. Liam walks over and closes the computer and lets himself drop onto the couch in front of it, his posture visibly sagging. Niall moves some papers away and sets the beer down before sitting next to him.

"You're almost drowning yourself in all this man, you need to have a distraction in there somewhere before you go insane," he starts, pursing his lips in thought. He ignores the glare at his expense and continues.

"How about we play some Fifa? Get your mind off all this crap we've found ourselves in and relax for a while." He's staring at the huge TV screen Liam has set up in front of the couch the entire time he speaks, and when he finishes suggesting his idea he finally turns his head.

Liam is looking at him, his tired eyes conveying his hesitation. After a few seconds of internal conflict, he finally nods and stands to find the game.

"Alright then, let's play some Fifa."

Niall whoops and smiles. "That's the spirit! Let’s do this!"

~*~

After a few rounds of Fifa where both dutifully decides to ignore for the time being that this was Louis' favorite game, Niall grins at Liam and sprawls his limbs on the sofa.

"I believe the Irishman wins," he says, smug.

Liam just rolls his eyes. "It was three out of five Horan, relax. I bet you anything that if we play again I will win and that smug little look on your face will disappear."

At that, Niall sits up straighter at his words, his grin growing wider and his eyebrows shooting close to his hairline.

" _Anything_?" He asks slowly, the challenge clear in his tone. Liam isn't looking at him then, is fiddling with the game system to put another game in. Once he hears that single word he turns his head to his friend though, and raises an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Let’s get started then," Niall proclaims, grabbing the controller and preparing himself to win yet again, childish excitement filling him.

Liam just rolls his eyes at Niall's antics, but a small smile appears on his lips. It's times like these that make you grateful for what you have, Niall muses, and shakes his head before his thoughts can delve any deeper into that. That was for another day.

Right now all that matters was winning this round of Fifa and proving Liam wrong.

~*~

Turns out that Liam had been right, and Niall begrudgingly agreed to cook for him for a month.

("You can literally have food  _delivered_  Li.  _Cooked_ food _._ ")

(A shrug. "You did say  _anything_.")

They goof around for a while longer, but then Liam lets out a yawn.

"How much have you slept?" Niall asks him slowly, already knowing the answer.

Liam manages to look sheepish and mumbles, "Um, define sleep."

Niall groans and turns the muted TV off, getting up and hauling his friend up too. Pushing him in front of him, he sighs. "You are getting at least five hours of sleep Liam, and I don't care what you have to say about it because it's case closed. I'm staying in the living room and you are going to _sleep_.” He ignores Liam's protests and resolutely keeps his focus on the door at the end of the hall. Once he reaches it, he instructs Liam to open it and proceeds to finish pushing him in before nodding towards the bed.

"Rest Li, I better hear snoring in a few minutes," he tells him, raising an eyebrow before going out and shutting the door behind him. He stays outside the door for a moment, waiting until he could hear Liam actually go to his bed. About a minute later, snores could be heard, and Niall just sighs and relaxes, going back to the living room.

'Well, that escalated quickly,' he thinks to himself, plopping down on the sofa and reaching for his phone. Once he has it in his hands, he pauses.

He could play with some of the games on his phone until Liam woke up, or call someone and bother them until Liam woke up. He’s sure someone will be willing to talk to him right now, right?

He keeps going back and forth between the games and the call icon for a while, before he chooses and settles for the games. Mindless entertainment worked for something, he thinks. Might as well let them distract him for at least a few hours.

An hour later, he got fed up and turned his phone off before he could start all over. He sighs and stares at his phone screen blankly for a moment before finally giving into temptation.

Because he was never good at resisting things, wasn't he?

A minute later, he had a ringing phone next to his ear and was waiting for a response.

"Hello?" He hears, voice sounding distracted. This was when Niall began having second thoughts about calling, but decides to just bite the bullet, since he had already done it anyways.

"Hey Z, just checking in, how's he doing?" He says, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. There was a bit of silence and then again he felt the doubt and started thinking twice about his actions, and was about to apologize and hang up, but then Zayn spoke up again.

"Bad time to call Ni, he's right behind me," Zayn hisses, and his eyes widen. There was silence again and then he hears, "Harry says hi, _Pez_."

“Oh."

A few seconds later Zayn is talking (well, hissing might be the better word, actually) in his ear again. "What were you _thinking_ Niall?! You _know_ that if he hears more than two of our voices he starts asking for you-know-who and then—" Zayn abruptly stops talking, composing himself for a few seconds, and then sighs. "I'm sorry mate, I'm just a little stressed out today, didn't mean to take it out on you."

Niall just waves off the apology, ignoring that he looks like a fool doing it alone. "It's okay Zayn, I forgot that you're the one out of the three of us that watches over Harry the most, sorry. Anyways, how is our resident crazy boy?"

"Niall," Zayn says, sounding slightly exasperated. He sighs. "Don't call him that. Anyways, he's doing fine, I just got him out of you-know-who's bed and I'm about to give him some cereal. By the way, you forgot to get some groceries when it was your turn."

Niall is silent. He had gotten him a week's worth of groceries, what is Zayn even talking about?

"Zayn, I bought him at least five bags of food when I went over there," he declares slowly.

There was a beat of silence and Niall can just imagine Zayn's face of disbelief.  "Are you serious? There's nothing in that kitchen Niall, only half a box of cereal and a little milk. What did you buy?"

He pauses to think. "I bought… cereal, veggies, apples n oranges n stuff cause you know how he loves his fruit, eggs, milk, pancake mix and syrup, a _lot_ of noodles…" he thinks back, trying to remember if he had forgotten something. "Oh yeah! And ketchup too."

There was more of that ever present silence before Niall just hears, "I'll talk to you later Ni." Zayn had hung up on him, he realizes.

He didn't want to talk to him anyways, he thinks childishly, and stands. Whenever Zayn decides to tell him about his apparent realization, he will. He picks up the empty beer cans and the remaining ones and takes them to the kitchen, throwing the used away and putting the untouched in the fridge.

“My friends and I, we've got a lot of problems,” He sings quietly, snickering and humming the rest under his breath.

He goes back to the living room, finding a movie to play while he waits for Liam to wake up, and is only about twenty minutes in (he honestly doesn’t know what it’s even about; he had just picked it randomly) when Liam bursts into the room.

Niall sighs. “Li, I told you. Go get some _sleep_.”

Liam’s eyes are wide, searching for something around the room with an almost manic type of energy while he waves Niall off. “I can never sleep anymore anyways, but that’s not the point. Help me look for something!”

Niall stands up slowly, a worried eye on Liam. “Mate, what’s going on?” he asks cautiously, walking over.

Liam just hushes him. “I’ll tell you after.”  He begins pushing all the papers on the coffee table off, sending them tumbling to the floor. Apparently what he’s looking for isn’t on the table, because he simply huffs and moves on. He looks almost haphazardly through his couches and under them as well, mumbling to himself about “I have to find it”, and honestly, Niall doesn’t know whether hearing him say that should reassure him or worry him.

He just looks on warily, beginning to question how well Liam’s sanity had fared after Louis died. It seems it didn’t hold up as well, he worries. Then again, all of them agreed wordlessly that one of each other would also end up cracking eventually after seeing Harry. Niall just didn’t think it’d be Liam.

He thought it’d be himself, if he was being honest. Zayn is just sad all the time, and Liam is always focused on finding a way out of the hole they had dug themselves into. All Niall does is sit around in his home and think of how different things are, now that Louis wasn’t around anymore. How if he concentrates, he can hear him complaining in the other room about the shitty couch Niall had bought that Louis had always insisted he had only bought because it had looked cool and that the only reason why he kept it was because he had grown attached to the thing, you big sap. He can hear him bustle around in his kitchen, trying to find the new place Niall had stuffed his snacks since Louis somehow had always managed to find the spot multiple times before, claiming that he’d find it sooner or later since he had memorized Niall’s kitchen layout since day one. He can hear him tease him about losing at Fifa every single time he so much as tries to reach and possibly beat Louis’ own high score. Can hear him and Zayn bicker over whether 70’s or 80’s rock was better while he walks past his home studio. That leads to insanity, he’s sure. Hearing the voice of your dead best friend everywhere.

“HA!” Liam shouts, making Niall blink, getting out of his thoughts. He stares at Liam for a few seconds, wondering why he even did that, but then he remembers.

“You found it?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. Liam nods enthusiastically, a happy smile spreading across his face. He truly looks like a puppy, Niall thinks, amused. “What is it?”

“This,” Liam emphasizes by waving around a small business card too fast for Niall to read what it says, “is the start of the end to all our problems!”

Niall furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

Liam grins at him. “This,” he hands it to Niall, and he reads it while Liam says the words that stand out immediately on the card, “is the card to a professional psychologist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I make a habit of adding chapters/editing fics when I should be asleep
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed!!! Pls leave comments and kudos, as they are my lifeblood  
> [ _come yell at me_](http://haloslove.tumblr.com)


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